Today I am on the verge of being consumed,
worrying about things not done.
Things that can’t be paid for.
Decisions not yet made.
Kids that I am parenting badly.
Things I am pursuing too hard.
Things I am not pursuing hard enough.
Things we’re not doing.
Things we are doing.
As is often the case, I push away the things that could help me,
like… oh, you know…. people. relationships. God.
It’s a super healthy response. And I fall into non-action.
Reveling in this non-action, I see this on twitter from Alece Ronzino:
“Signpost for my heart today: Do not feed the fears.”
Do not feed the fears.
DO NOT FEED THE FEARS.
This gets to me.
Today, I know my non-action is feeding the fears.
The antidote to non-action is…. I think….action.
But I can’t do anything to solve any of the tangly questions in my head today. What can I do?
I attack my son’s room with a vengeance. It needs help.
I dive into the 147 layers of folders on my computer. They’re ridiculous.
And there I find this little thought waiting for me in an abandoned ‘writing idea’ file.
‘What’s in your hands? What part of God’s kingdom is in your hands? DO THAT.’
I don’t remember where this question came from originally. But it’s ringing like truth.
There are many things I can’t solve, I can’t fix, I can’t predict or control.
But what is in my hands?
Our little corner of the world.
So I care for these things today to the best of my ability.
And I will say, again, that I choose to trust.
Off I go.