What I (Don’t) Know

A few days ago I posted that I was going to start writing about what it is that I do, and the thoughts that ping around in my head as a result of what I do.

I feel compelled to start this by leveling with you about something.

I don’t know how to be a great wife, mom, and worship leader all at the same time.
I don’t know how to change my environment and schedule in order to make room for greater creativity.
I don’t know how to shed my ‘guilt-driven’ nature.
I don’t know exactly when to speak my mind and when to zip it.
I don’t know how to lead my congregation in worship.  I really don’t.
I don’t know how to help my daughter ‘get’ the math concepts she’s struggling with.
I don’t know what kind of risk is godly and what kind of risk is foolish.
I don’t know how to help my son stop being a clown when it’s time for him to display that he’s really quite smart.
I don’t know how to help my husband find the right job.
Of the fourteen great ideas I read about today, I don’t know which one to pursue.
I don’t know how to display self-discipline in all things all the time, and I don’t know which one to pick first.

Now.  

There is actually one thing I do know.

I KNOW that if I give time, every day, to actually talking and listening to God,
all those things I don’t know become easier to deal with.
 

I know this by experience.

Yet over and over again, I allow myself to drift away from developing this friendship with God that brings clarity and focus and joy and vision and purpose.   So I fall back into a position of confusion and frustration and despondency.

Which begs the question:  if there are 472 things I don’t know how to deal with, but I know the one thing that will bring the answers, why do I stop doing that one thing?

I don’t know.

14 thoughts on “What I (Don’t) Know

  1. I seem to have a hard time with living under this. I get caught up in the doing and knowing and end up so far away from God, or at least what He’s doing.

    I know my heart is right, my intentions are right, but I am not listening.

    This is encouraging, because I see the same heart and intentions in you and I know that God is moving and shaking when our heart’s are after His. yours is.

  2. If there’s one thing I took away from reading “The Shack” it was this clarified vision that God (in all three members of the Trinity) wants desperately for us to pursue our relationship with him; not for what he gets out of it, but what we will get out of it.

    I think you should lead worship with our daughter, Emily, hanging off of you in a Snuggly. That way we (Brenda and I) get a peaceful worship service and the congregation is too distracted to realize that you don’t think you know what you’re doing (btw, you do a great job). Just a thought.

    As for a job for Neil, I could use a part-time evening Dairy Clerk at my Dillons. He’d get to work in the cooler (aka: The Promised Land).

  3. I love that you used the word ‘ping’ to describe what your thoughts do. It’s exactly how I feel when trying to juggle the wife/mom/worship leader/business owner deal — often touching on one just long enough to ensure it’s relative safety and then pinging to the next.

    Our church delegated this week for fasting and praying which, for me, has helped realign that which can slow the ping. GoodGoodGood.

  4. Yeah, well. Quit talking about me.

    Oh, wait: you’re talking about YOU….

    Didn’t Paul say something about that? Like he was all whiny about “why do I do what I don’t want to do and I don’t do what I do want do to?”

    Something like that.

    It’s refreshing to know that we are in good company. And seriously odd that I was having this EXACT SAME CONVERSATION WITH MYSELF THIS MORNING. At least the part about spending time with Jesus.

    Thought-provoking post here, Kim. Good stuff.

    Can’t wait to see what you write about me next.

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