A few days ago I posted that I was going to start writing about what it is that I do, and the thoughts that ping around in my head as a result of what I do.
I feel compelled to start this by leveling with you about something.
I don’t know how to be a great wife, mom, and worship leader all at the same time.
I don’t know how to change my environment and schedule in order to make room for greater creativity.
I don’t know how to shed my ‘guilt-driven’ nature.
I don’t know exactly when to speak my mind and when to zip it.
I don’t know how to lead my congregation in worship. I really don’t.
I don’t know how to help my daughter ‘get’ the math concepts she’s struggling with.
I don’t know what kind of risk is godly and what kind of risk is foolish.
I don’t know how to help my son stop being a clown when it’s time for him to display that he’s really quite smart.
I don’t know how to help my husband find the right job.
Of the fourteen great ideas I read about today, I don’t know which one to pursue.
I don’t know how to display self-discipline in all things all the time, and I don’t know which one to pick first.
There is actually one thing I do know.
I KNOW that if I give time, every day, to actually talking and listening to God,
all those things I don’t know become easier to deal with.
I know this by experience.
Yet over and over again, I allow myself to drift away from developing this friendship with God that brings clarity and focus and joy and vision and purpose. So I fall back into a position of confusion and frustration and despondency.
Which begs the question: if there are 472 things I don’t know how to deal with, but I know the one thing that will bring the answers, why do I stop doing that one thing?
I don’t know.