not-so-much fully present

It’s possible that I’ve become addicted to discontentment. Particularly with regards to church. Preoccupied with what could be… or rather, what should be, and I am the lone definer of what that is. Attention always turned to the writings and words of those who design and lead in churches that are bigger, more progressive, with more of the shoulds I’m looking for. I’ve tried to work at being ‘fully present’ in the moments of my life, except, of course, in the arena of church. We must always be striving for more and looking forward to what might need to be different, right? Discontentment is fine if it motivates us to change that which needs changing, yes? Except that for me, the flow chart has worked in reverse. That which I yearn for has caused discontentment. I can even reason things out so that its obvious that God agrees with me. Which means that I’m well on my way to creating God in my own image. Since I know it is ME, not God, who has been ignoring the ‘present’ of the church, I am in need of an intervention.

We’ll start here. What do I know without a doubt that God has been doing within my church? What have I seen that can only be explained as God doing, being, creating, causing?
– we have emerged from a time of conflict, pain, stagnation, and disillusionment
– that we have emerged at all is miraculous; the fact that we are growing in all directions as we do so is truly amazing grace
– greater commitment to meditating on scripture
– greater commitment to prayer
– new ministries popping up, targeted to people that we had previously ignored
– new leaders are shaping a new vision
– whenever I ask anyone to serve in some capacity, they say ‘yes’ (indicates something about the heart of the people, not my persuasiveness!)
– we are talking out loud about how to live as Christians in real life

This is some of the work God is doing. I truly am thankful to be a part of it, and to have seen so clearly God’s reality woven through all that has happened and is happening. I pray to find the balance between being ‘present’ in and committed to the great reality of my church, and leaning forward toward what might be.

What is God doing around you?

2 thoughts on “not-so-much fully present

  1. how do i know God exists and is still working in and around me? because he’s giving people i know the same visions … 1,600 miles away in the same hour. which makes me wonder. is he speaking this message to humanity and we happen to be blessed to know each other … we happen to know someone else who interprets His voice the same way so that we won’t have to journey alone? if you only knew how much i needed this today kim. really.

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