re:create day two

I don’t know how to write about this.

First, it’s weird and sometimes awkward to be a woman, alone, at an event mostly attended by men. This is no one’s fault….it’s just a social reality. Everyone I’ve met here has been incredibly friendly, open, and both interesting and interested. Around lunchtime today I was really craving (a) time alone in my room, or (b) a face-to-face with someone who really knows me. Didn’t have time for (a) and didn’t see (b) happening, so instead I made a point to meet some new people over lunch. And it was good. :)

I was intimidated coming here because there are leaders from churches far larger and much more progressive than ours. After hearing lots of people’s stories, I am not as intimidated, but I run the risk of getting frustrated b/c there are so many ideas that could turn into actions. But which one comes first? and how will I make that happen? and who can help me?

the Big, Capital Letter Realization for the day was this: I’m really really close to being burned out. How do I know this? Because I can’t answer questions like: ‘what do you really love to do?’ ‘what part of your job are you most passionate about?’ ‘if you could design any job for yourself, what would it look like?’ I have no idea. When I get honest, it feels like I do my job out of obligation: it’s my responsibility. Since Jan ’07, planning and leading worship at church has been a time-management tangle. We’ve lost any creative edge we ever had. So, while I could get all fluttery about howtoaddinmorecreativeworshipelements, here’s what I’m thinking my next course of action is:

Sit. Listen. Stay.

Yep, sounds like a dog. Also sounds like a reorientation to center. And that’s the foundation, the base on which all else rests. Here’s where it all starts.